So, again I had a day that was a bit difficult to deal with.  The cravings were a bit stronger than usual and I have found myself ‘breathing’ through them.  The whole process of not smoking is very surprising, and really not what I expected.  I do think now that the longer that I stay addicted to nicotine, the longer I will hit these periodic roadblocks that lead me to thoughts of smoking.  Obvious conclusion, I know.  However, on some days, it really is easier to just identify the withdrawl without making the association with wanting a cigarette.  Then, there are days like today, where I actually found myself inhaling deeply a bit of second hand smoke looking for some kind of contact high.  Ridiculous, I know, since second hand smoke contains no nicotine.

For all of us just fresh out of our first month of not smoking, it is hard to not get a little discouraged by days like today.  It really is a question of dedication and a little will power, although I really think it is more dedication.  I have never really appreciated the concept of will power since I am an extremely strong willed person, but I tend to fall prey to addictions and vices like smoking very easily.  I am wondering if I didn’t keep myself distracted enough today.  The days where I get up and get going immediately seem to be associated with fewer noticeable roadblocks and bad cravings.  It seems that when I give myself too much time, that I mentally seem to drift.

I am clinging to the fact that I am a bit amazed and proud of myself that I have not consumed more than 800 cigarettes and that I have been free of smoke for almost 40 days now.  Never before have I made such a commitment, and, I will tell you, while I day dream about a good, deep inhale to get rid of the craving, I really am becoming a bit afraid of smoking.  I really am coming to the point where I look down at it.  Where I am very upset by the damage I did to myself as a smoker.  That I am afraid of both the power and the sickness those little sticks contain.  That makes me want them, but not enough to go out and get them, let alone take a drag.

This is positive.  And, as I walk further and further away from the behavior and the mental habits of smoking, I can see more clearly the reality of it.  Which, makes it easier to keep going.  I am now in a healthier more loving relationship with myself and that should be motivation to stay the hell away from them.

That, and I have noticed some people have picked up on this blog.  While I know we all anonymously lean on each other- reading each others posts and empathizing with the experiences-I feel obliged to stay clean given that more people then just myself may be looking for me to keep going.  I like to think so anyway.  I like to think that I can spread the love around and not give up.  Perhaps that will help someone who was in my shoes only a short month or so ago.

So, thanks to anyone reading this.  It helps keep me on track.  Especially on these harder days where I don’t exactly know where to turn.

Going to call my aunt now.  Smoke free for more than 6 years now.  She is my rock.  She convinces me that when I am not sure I can do this, that I am totally capable of doing this and that the smoking part of my life is over.  I want it to be.  I just want it to be over.  I never want to smoke again and have to start over.

So, because of this I am going to take another scary step and get Chantix, so that I can work this nicotine addiction out of my system as well.

Anyway, for all you out there, keep the faith.   I’ll keep going if you keep believing you can do this too.  And, if there are any want-to-quiters or just-quiters out there who want to talk.  PLEASE feel free to leave some comments and share your thoughts.  It helps to share I have learned.

ttyl

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Category:
Quitting Smoking

Join the conversation! 22 Comments

  1. Hang in there! I started smoking in 1979 and the last time that I smoked was February 2, 2006. It’s really been two of the best years of my life. I really didn’t remember what life was like when I didn’t smoke, since I started when I was 18. My strength was focusing on all of the non-smoking events that I could attend and not have to go get a fix – that I could actually be a non-smoker!

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  2. Very nice post ;) Added to favourites.

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  3. Somehow i missed the point. Probably lost in translation :) Anyway … nice blog to visit.

    cheers, Nullifier.

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    • Stumbled across your blog on this the eve of my 14th day without smoking. I am devouring the dates…went ahead and then went back to your first “not smoking” days. I seriously don’t know how I’m doing but I do know you have described so very much how I have been feeling thus far. I read way ahead and got scared…I just want to feel normal now and not think that I will still have cravings and mental tussles weeks from now….however N.O.P.E. is going to help me, your blog is going to help me ( I see you wrote this in 2008 and it is now 2011. Thank-you so much for writing this blog…I am so thankful I found it.

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      • Hi there Pauline. Just got your message about my stop smoking blog. I wanted to write you back to let you know that, yes, after almost three years (anniversary is February 7) that I am still 100% smoke free!!! As I look back, it mystifies me that I was ever a smoker and so chained to that lifestyle. I promise you, the quitting gets easier. In fact, there will be a day when you don’t even think about it and that day will come sooner than you think. Keep up the good fight! And, remember, if you slip, just try and try again.

        Best of luck to you,

        Kate

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  4. I am on day 39 and really struggled today. I am on the patches (14mg now) but I so want a cigarette. Why isn’t this getting easier? I feel desperate now and I don’t want to go back to smoking so I was thinking of going to the doctor and getting Champix but don’t know if he will give it to me because I haven’t smoked for almost 6 weeks. Can anyone advise?

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    • I failed 3 times when I tried to stop smoking . I am now 1 year smoke free this time cold turkey no patches no gum the first 3 weeks were hell after that no big deal and I smoked for 36 years

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    • Hello Dotti, my name is Debbie, I have smoked for 45 years. I’m on day 38 of being a non smoker. Is it going to get easier?

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  5. Your doing great. I smoked my last cigarette on Dec12 th/ 2013 and did it cold turkey. Lungs haven’t felt this good in years. Best thing I have ever done

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  6. You took the words right out of my mouth. I hope you’re still smoke-free, I’m day 37 today and I still get cravings but I don’t give into them.

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  7. Today is my 40th day without a cigarette and I am having a hard day,, I feel like I could eat one and enjoy it.Reading your post,so I will try for day 41..THANKS

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    • Day 39 of my cold turkey quit…..still miss smoking so so much. Really hope the day comes soon where I don’t miss it anymore. In the meantime…I, like so many others, look to the stories of those who went before us quitters and those struggling in the early days. Thanks to all for sharing….it’s the only thing that helps and gives me hope!!

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  8. I find that running, badminton, cycling and general exercise really helps. It makes the benefits of – simply being able to breathe – a lot more obvious. Being able to breathe better by the day, not getting out of breath etc.

    It also works as a good stress release. Sweating is apparently good for depression too.
    The rush after exercise is much better that’ll the rush after smoking. With added pride, as opposed to shame.

    I like projects, I made myself the project. An ongoing project. Having your own blog helps, it doesn’t have to be public even. Just somewhere to write stuff, keep a diary of your progress and healthy happenings.

    I like apps. I downloaded ‘smokefree’, which has some pretty cool features.

    I’m on day 42 of quitting. Cold turkey. Cravings can be strong. It’s definitely tough, but resisting is definitely worth it, i owe it to myself/my soul.

    Cold water is a good one.

    Comfrey on quitting everyone :)

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  9. I have just reached day 40 and yes most days I feel like a cigarette but not most hours. I have quit a few times and it’s hard starting from scratch. Having a smoke is easy quitting each time is not. Saving money, breathing easier and extending life can’t ask for more then that! One day at a time seems to work.

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  10. I chose a quit date cold turkey and here I am 39 days later. The struggle is real. I’m 46yrs old and smoke most of my life. I decided to love myself just a little more. I crave a cigarette more days than not, some cravings are longer than others….crave, crave, crave…CHOICE…crave, crave, crave…CHOICE. I choose to remain free and enjoy the healing process of self abuse. I excerise, meditate, talk a lot of shit (lol) these are tools that work for me. We are recovering addicts, I have relasped many times in the past sometimes that’s a part of recovery. The relapses helped me to prepare for the next attempt. Addiction is real and it’s hard, but if we choose to say NO, I’m almost certain, everyday becomes a little easier.

    Good luck to all of you

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  11. Good luck with your journey on Chantix. It really does work! You will have night terrors and you should NOT consume any alcohol while taking it. Or make really weak drinks; you will lose your tolerance while taking this medication.

    I am 41 years old and started smoking to be ‘cool’ when I was 16. This means I have smoked for more than half of my life. Today day 37 without smoking and I love how far I have come. How much money I have saved, how much I don’t smell terrible and how I can always pay at the pump and going into the gas station is optional.

    I have also realized how much I have misused tobacco and alcohol as a means to manage social anxiety and OCD. This is a new way of living. No more outcast social smoking circles, no more ‘time outs’ when I need to think or just need a mental break.

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  12. It is my day 39. Today I am having such a hard time of it that I went searching for this same landmark on the internet, see if I can find somebody or something with which I can relate. And I find your blog. Its as though I’ve found a kindred soul, though I’ve not thought so deeply and introspectively about it all. so much to consider. Anyway, it is so discouraging to find that I had a much easier time with it during the first few weeks – it has gotten so much harder over the past week or so. I hope it becomes easier soon.

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  13. Today is day 39 and i can’t believe how much harder it is getting. I have been up since 8:00am and haven’t done much except think about the goddam cigarettes. It is now 10:30am. I am going for a walk. I am wearing the 14MG patch and in 2 days hope to switch to 7MG patch. My lungs feel completely different and the best part is not having to think about quitting smoking. I have emphysema, I am 68 and have been smoking since 15 years old. I have to keep focusing on how much more I can do now that I can breathe better.

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    • Joe, congrats for deciding to stop smoking. I’ve made a lot of ex smoker friends over the years, all ages and walks of life. It must be hard quitting after smoking for so long, but I know you can do it. It’s been almost 10 years and I still remember those first days when my lungs opened up and I could finally BREATHE! I say this alot, but just keep going. Not long from now, being a smoker will feel strange and your body will actually tug at you to move past all this faster. It happens at different times for everyone, but definitely before the 100 days. I wish you the best and if you can reach out to your doctor to see if he/she can help you transition from the patch to no nicotine. Having been on it so long, they might have something to make it easier on your body. My uncle did this. He was 78 and it really helped him reach the finish line. Best to you!

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  14. It is so strange I find myself on day 39 now and find this blog, where almost everyone had a problem around the same amount of days as me. I have COPD, my lungs are sick from smoking. I don’t want this addiction any more. I must admit I do miss it though at times. Please someone give me some encouragement

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    • Hey Debbie. I was just chatting with another former smoker and it does seem like there are a lot of similar experiences that happen on specific days. Not sure why, but I find it comforting. There’s something about a shared experience that really makes us stronger. I hope the best for you – just keep going and know that you’re not alone. I PROMISE that the more days that go by the easier it gets. You’ll have some bumps but you’ll be out of the woods soon. Not smoking is hard, until it’s not. My 10 year anniversary of NOPE is coming up soon. I’m still 100% smoke free. Hopefully you can find some encouragement in that. Best to you :)

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